Holidays

It was clear to my mother the moment that we arrived, that we needed to find our own place to stay. Soon. Not only was it uncomfortable with two people stuck in a room, but my doctor appointment was in Orlando. Orlando is a 45 minute drive from my side of Kissimmee. These rides sucked. My first appointment with my doctor involved of lot of sitting up that I did not want to do, but did cause they needed to do their assessment on my. I remembered being in my wheelchair (cause I was prescribed one before I left the hospital) with a pillow cause it just sucked to hold my head up myself. 

The doctors were all very kind. I don't remember much of their names mainly cause there was 9 doctors there. Each a different kind of neuro (brain) doctor. There was one that was a neuro surgeon and he looked at my stitches to make sure they were nice and in order. There was three neuro psychologists to determine how my feelings and emotions would change after surgery. There were other doctors that didn't step up so I don't really know what they were there for, and finally there was my primary oncologist (cancer doctor), Dr. Fouad Hajjar. He's awesome.

There was all these other paperwork and another social worker to fill and talk to , but I went back to my wheelchair and dozed off. I had no control of my energy at the time so I didn't really do much during the first two months. 

It seemed that this was the beginning of my new life. Everything was getting settled. Except one major fact.

We didn't have a home. 

Yeah sure, we had my mom's place at her friend's house, but he was planning to move out with his girlfriend in January. It was mid-December at this point and we needed to find a place soon. We looked all over Craigslist trying to find a house or another apartment to rent, but most were in fuckville Poinciana in the middle of nowhere or too pricey for such a small space. 

During the search, Christmas and New Years past by us. We celebrated both at the houses of my mother's friends. Christmas day was spent at my sisters for a little bit, I hanged out (to the best of my ability) with my two nephews (one 9 years old, the other 5) and then we went to my mother's friends house to spend with their family. I was mainly asleep in the room that they let me lay in this whole time. Its boring, but I couldn't help it. New Year's evening was again at another of my mom's friend's house. I was in my wheelchair and since it was night time I had taken a nap beforehand so I got to stay awake for most of the activities. 

Maybe it was the fact that it was finally hitting me that my life would be different for upcoming new year, but when that clock hit 12:00AM, I just started bawling. I just couldn't believe that this was happening to me. Like it never crossed my mind that I would be in a situation like this. I knew my aunt recently died of throat cancer, but I chalked that up to the fact that her husband smoked a lot. But this was really happening, and I didn't know where it was going to lead me. All my plans for after graduation were completely ruined. There was no possible way of going to Japan. It had been my one and only lifelong dream to go to Japan and to be an interpreter of some kind, living in that country. And now that wasn't an option anymore. I never asked God, "Why?" but at that moment the one thing I could think of was "Why now?". Why did this happened to me right before I was supposed to finish my last semester and graduate? WHY?!

My mother hugged me in my wheelchair and I could feel her tears on my shoulder. I'm sure she was thinking the same things. Wondering what the future of her baby girl was gonna be now. Wondering if she could keep the strength she was showing to me strong even though she wanted to just crumble under the pressure. My mother is a very strong woman, who has faced some incredible odds that I don't know how she acts like they don't affect her sometimes. I have seen my mother cry, but its so rare. She's just too strong to let shit pulled her down, and I admire that soo much about her. I want this experience to give me that same strength, for this is hard and I know cancer is genetic and I pray to God that my children don't experience it, but if that is to be in my path than I wan this to make me strong for it. 

(I need a moment)

Anyways, we still hadn't found a place when my radiation sessions started this January. Now it really sucked to live at my mom's friend's place. I was supposed to have radiation Monday thru Friday, every week for six weeks and then a month break before I would have my chemo sessions until next March 2014. 

My appointments were so early that we would have to wake up at 6:00AM to get ready (since I was slow paced and needed help from my mother) and then drive to the cancer institute at the hospital. Every damn day. I hated it. My only benefit was that I was the youngest patient at the radiation appointments, and that I could lay on my stomach and catch some Z's since my radiation covered my head, upper and lower back, which made it take 1-1 1/2 hours. But this was not easy on my mom's wallet. With gas prices being so high my mom would have to fill up halfway into the week. But then a solution was presented to us by one of my nurses. 

The Ronald McDonald House.